May was Mental Health Awareness Month while June is Pride Month, and Paladin is tackling both topics head-on with an open letter from Sav Moon, Marketing Coordinator for the Paladin Group of Companies. Sav’s journey with PSG began in 2019 as a Security Officer before quickly moving into a marketing role. In this letter, Sav opens up about the struggles she’s faced and provides a raw and real look into the journey that has made her who she is.
During Mental Health Awareness Month and Pride Month, I want to share my story about navigating mental health, gender identity/expression, and sexual orientation. For me, the three are interconnected.
Since I was young, adults have said that I march to the beat of my own drum. I didn't realize how true that was until societal norms and pressure to conform weighed heavily on me as the years passed. Every new haircut, fashion statement, tattoo, and piercing seemed to draw attention to me. I didn’t realize that expressing my authenticity would make me stand out in ways I wasn’t ready to address. With every change—cutting my hair short, wearing loose-fitting clothes, announcing that I had a girlfriend—anxiety and worry about what others thought crept in and weighed me down.
I was six the first time an older woman shooed me out of a public bathroom with her cane. I was eight when my elementary school lunch lady put me in the boy’s line for recess, only to be pulled back into the girl’s line by one of my friends. I was 11 when some high school girls followed me to a bathroom stall, peering in, laughing, and banging on the door to get out. When I was 13, I let my hair grow and shopped in the girls’ section to look like the version of me that other people wanted to see. I played dress up and became the doll I never wanted to create but did out of survival.
Chatham University, an all-women, private, liberal arts college tucked away in the hills of Pittsburgh, is where I regained my sense of self that I had lost throughout my childhood years. I was suddenly in a place where uniqueness was celebrated, not policed. I owe much of my unapologetic authenticity to my freshman-year roommate, who transitioned from female to male during our sophomore year of college and became Chatham’s first-ever male Class President. Watching him step into his most authentic self gave me all the confidence I needed to do the same.
When I graduated from college in 2014, I was no longer safe in the bubble of a liberal arts, all-women’s undergraduate program. The bigger world was ready to eat me alive, and it almost did. The fear of not fitting into the professional world because of my gender expression had me in a chokehold. I spent a lot of nights sleeping with the lights on because it felt safer. If I turned my lamp off, I was giving my panic attacks the leverage they needed to spin a completely ridiculous worst-case scenario.
In 2016, after battling suicidal ideation and social anxiety so intense that I could no longer go out with friends, I asked for help and started therapy. I was lucky to have parents who understood and advocated for me and friends who were fighting similar battles. Suddenly, I felt seen because I had people who I trusted that I could confide in. Knowing that those people in my life had gone through similar struggles validated how I felt and gave me a sense of comfort.
My therapist recommended seeing a psychiatrist who prescribed a medication used to help treat anxiety and depression. It took 
some time, but finally, I felt like I could breathe again. The foggy haze of anxiety lifted, and I no longer felt like a shell of a person. I was comfortable being me in a world that still had a lot to learn about the struggles LGBTQ+ people face. I believe that advocacy starts with education. The Trevor Project suggests that “one accepting adult decreases the risk of suicide by 40% for LGBTQ+ young people.” If you aren’t sure how your support matters to the LGBTQ+ community, remember the quote above. It only takes one to make an impact.
The healing journey is unique for everyone, but the one thing that helped me the most was finding a connection with other people. Sharing my story allowed me to release myself from the internalized guilt I felt for being me. And the more I shared, the better I felt. And I learned that vulnerability is contagious. The more I talked about my experiences growing up and into my queer identity and my struggles with mental health, the more other people felt comfortable sharing their own stories with me.
Last May, before coming back to work for Paladin/PalAmerican, I lost a close friend and co-worker to suicide. He was 23 and in college for graphic design at the University of Utah. A few months before he died, a group of us were sitting in the lobby at work doing a wellness check-in with each other. At times our group felt more like a family than a random group of co-workers. As people broke off into separate conversations, my friend and I continued to talk about growing up with severe anxiety. I listened and learned about his dark battle with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), more specifically, intrusive thoughts.
And now, his story has become part of mine.
I feel truly honoured to share my story on mental health and growing up as an LGBTQ+ person. It's a privilege to bring visibility to these important topics. I’m deeply grateful to work for a company that celebrates diversity and holds space for these groups of people. Initially, when I joined the company as a security officer in 2019, I felt nervous about entering the industry as an openly queer person, unsure of how my identity would be received in such a traditionally conservative field. However, I found that the job tested my professional skills while also strengthening my resolve and confidence in being true to myself.
Despite the initial anxiety, I have found a supportive community among my colleagues and have grown immensely, both personally and professionally. The Paladin Group of Companies’ support and commitment to inclusivity empower me to live my truth, and I know they will empower others.
I hope this letter inspires you to talk more, listen more, and share your stories with the world. You deserve to be heard.
Savannah (Sav) Moon
Social Media Coordinator
Resources
Mental Health Resources
- Canadian Mental Health Association (CMHA): BounceBack®: A Free Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) Program For Mental Health (cmha.ca)
- Centre for Addiction and mental health: https://www.camh.ca/en/your-care/programs-and-services
- 9-8-8 Suicide Crisis Helpline: Call or text 9-8-8
- Employee & Family Assistance Progam (for Paladin employees only)
LGBTQ+ Resources
- LGBT youthline: https://www.youthline.ca/our-programs/links-resources/
- Pflag Canada: https://pflagcanada.ca
- Egale: https://egale.ca
